Tag: goals

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Ramblings – Procrastination

Originally written 08-28-2015

Motivation is a hard thing for me to come by. I don’t know if this is because things have always been easy for me or because I don’t want much. Whatever the underlying cause…I do not like it. The past few months I have been jobless, working rarely here and there, but not spending my time working toward a goal or developing new skills…just slowly eating away at my savings. Today is my third day without cannabis, and luckily I don’t feel withdrawal symptoms as much as I did the last time I stopped; I’m not sure if this is because my body is less attuned to it this time around or some other reason, but I’m hoping I can use it to catalyze some type of change in my life. I know the only motivation people have comes from their own power of will, but most of the power of will and my determination in my life came from fear of punishment either from parents or some deity, and now that I have no fear of either I have lost my cause to strive. Not only that, but now that I’m conscious that my life is in my hands, I feel an overwhelming obligation to find out EXACTLY what I should do with it. I make no choice for my future because of how many choices get cut-off by making any choice…what a horrible catch-22 I’ve trapped myself into. Reminds me of the film “Ex-machina” when the main characters speak regarding a painting. The artist painted it with no clear plan in mind, yet each stroke of the brush was performed, and thus carried out with intent. One man then questions the other about the artist…perhaps the artist had gone the other route. What if the artist had decided not to paint anything unless he knew exactly WHY he painted it. Well, the artist would never paint anything, because nobody truly understands exactly why we make any of our decisions. So I sit…and think…because I’m alive and I’m healthy and if that is true then why do I need to do anything else? After-all, the past is unchangeable and the future is abstract, and in every moment of now that I experience I am still alive and well and feel no need to change anything.

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Ramblings – soon to be re-formatted

Originally written 08-06-2015

First time I’m writing somewhat purposefully to save and possibly post later. Strange. As such, I have no idea what to write about. I was going to stop smoking weed but instead hit the bong this morning. Perhaps that will be my last hit for the next couple weeks. I want to get my dreams back, and that won’t happen if I continue getting high. For some reason I feel as though I’ve learned meditation is more effective sober…but that might just be the fact that almost everything can be remembered and integrated by the brain more easily sober (no reference). List of things I want to do more of or get better at:
-exercise
-stretching
-web design
-creative writing
-socializing
-meditation
-reading
-learning
-eating healthier
-recognizing different emotions
-self-control
-setting goals

That list ended up being a longer than I initially intended. Let’s examine my list one-by-one and see what happens.

Exercise: most important thing for humans besides what we breathe and ingest. The majority of  mankind has always had to exert great physical effort – great compared to today’s standards – to survive or do anything else until just 15,000 years or so ago. We evolved over millions of years to sweat more efficiently to cool down from all the running and exertion we were doing day after day. The body cannot function optimally without exercise because it was not designed to.

Stretching: painful, uncomfortable. The body having a full-range of motion is important. Less injuries. I think my bowed legs inhibit certain stretches. Touching my toes and my straddle are two I believe are affected by their bowed-ness(?).

Web Design: design my own blog. Work remotely.

Creative writing: I’d like to be able to convey the incredible sights in my mind in a coherent way. Tell good stories.

Socializing: as with exercise humans developed as a highly social society with intricate relationships and interactions on a daily basis. We have hormones and chemicals which are linked directly to eye contact, touch, cooperation. If you haven’t already, research Oxytocin.

Meditation: so much good stuff about meditation. Keeps your brain elastic, improves concentration, delays loss of senses due to age, improves memory, increases chances of lucid dreaming

Reading/Learning: combined these two because they usually end up going hand-in-hand. Reading itself can be a form of meditation or visualization, in fact when done well it can enhance recollection and comprehension of content which has a great effect on learning. You can read to learn many things, and experiencing a world somebody else created is fun as well. Learning, specifically, keeps our minds young instead of stagnating. Our brains give us great ability to learn. To adapt. When we stop our mind stops and we stop changing. Also, why not be able to do as many different things as possible?? Thicken every area of your brain.

Eating healthier: Our bodies run on the food we eat. We are so much more than just proteins and energy. Our bodies require many different minerals and vitamins to function properly. We developed shorter digestive tracts and smaller jaws because we began cooking our food, but our food by volume was still mainly made up of vegetation softened by cooking.

Recognizing different emotions: the better I am able to notice when I’m feeling what, the better I will be able to figure out why and have a much better understanding of what effects me positively or negatively.

Self-control: you are a slave to your body’s addictions and chemical desires unless you have the power to recognize and override it’s compulsions.

Setting goals: without goals or deadlines I tend to nap for long periods of time or what I would consider wasting my day away playing games or watching tv.