I am looking for a job. It’s trash. The last few months at Digital Path, Inc. were awful, and looking for a new job that will probably end up taking advantage of my labor is so unappealing.
I tried to hold them accountable for telling me to do illegal things, got too obvious about it, and they fired me. They wanted to fire me ever since I filed a complaint against a recently-promoted supervisor after he threatened me. Then a month later followed-through on that threat. It’s incredibly frustrating being told you’re not taking accountability when it’s the company that has been avoiding taking accountability for months.
Regardless, I think the fact my CRSC has improved since I was fired, despite the stress that being unemployed and having your claim challenged by the company that subjected you to abuse has brought with it, demonstrates proof that the stress of their job environment over the past few months was the cause of it’s development.
It is an unfortunate aspect of my personality that, when it comes to my personal life, I tend to be a serial procrastinator. When I have a job it is very easy to fall into that routine and be extremely proficient and dedicated to the work. I have always been an exceptional employee. When I am between jobs it is incredibly hard for me to motivate myself to find work. I am incredibly selective and tend to apply to positions with low chances of success and don’t really dedicate myself until the point of financial desperation.
This is the third time I’m reliving that pattern, but this time is the worst yet. Where previously I started out with savings and found work before accruing more than a couple thousand in debt, this time I started out already in the midst of working myself out of debt I was left with after my split with my fiance. I had about $17k of credit card debt in September when we split up. I believed it was our debt, but it was in my name, so guess who got left with sole responsibility?
Since September, I was able to be frugal and, despite covering all of the living expenses for the rental I now live in alone, I was able to chip away at that and bring it down to about $10.7. I believe paying off ~$6K of debt over 8 months is decent when your housing and utility costs supposedly double.
Now, however, I’ve been living off credit cards for 2 months and my unemployment claim has been denied so I have no cash coming in. The A/C in my car would cost $3k to fix the last time I got a quote, so doing DoorDash deliveries in summer heat sounds awful.
I don’t know what kind of mental block I have. I should be in panic mode taking any job I can find and yet I continuously dissociate from reality. There have been a few times over the past few weeks where I have legitimately faced the state of my life. It is devastating and I end up soaking the floor beneath my face, yet I continue to waste all of my time.
I have so many ideas, but refuse to continuously act and apply my resources to achieve any of them. I would love to fix that. I do believe that is an adequate word to use, as I do think this is something that is wrong with me. I’m not sure if it’s just extreme risk avoidance or over-valuing the meager assets that I have. Regardless of whatever term that could be applied, it is not a challenge I want to have to deal with and it has impeded me my entire life and I do consider it to be something that is wrong with me.
Best of luck to everyone. I’m gonna get back to it
Rich Mind 