The first thing I notice is the comfortable weight. Then the warmth and light on my eyelids worms it’s way into consciousness. I feel good. Refreshed. When waking up feels like this, I know today is going to be a good day.
It was strange, but for a minute I thought about calling my mom. it had been a couple weeks since we’ve caught up, but I felt the familiar nudge on my attention. Of course, my Expanser is more focused on my goals than I am.
Relief flooded through me, followed by gratitude to my Expanser for keeping me on track.
I haven’t been as productive as I’d wanted recently. I roll myself out of bed and sit on the edge with my eyes closed. I feel energy growing in me like a ball being inflated. I know it’s probably all in my head, placebo. I know my Expanser helps with my alertness, and I imagine feeling a huge effect, but it’s influence is pretty minor. Our bodies already flood us with hormones to wake us up, the Expanser doesn’t change much of that.
“Little tweaks to stay near balance” is the community line. There’s no denying it works. Public records, documentation, all the data: none of it can be falsified and altered after the Expanser Implementation. Memory is on record, instantly retrievable, un-alterable, and things are better across all measurable metrics we know of. Higher happiness, satisfaction, security, and lower incidents of crime and violence: all of them have improved. I feel an internal nudge. I stand up and, feeling invigorated, bounce off to the facilities for my
workout.
I’m laying down on the mat, arms and legs spread wide, taking long, deep breaths. In through the nose, out through the mouth. I feel my hot, sweaty back un-stick from the mat with every inhale and relax back down on it every exhale. I feel the drops of sweat on my forehead in the breeze, it’s kind of cool. The facilities do a good job of that. Am I done dripping? I think the sweat is finally evaporating faster than it’s accumulating. I can still feel the tightness of my muscles relaxing, like stretched balloons pulled taut slowly being released. It’s nice being able to relax like this. I can trust my Expanser won’t let me miss
anything.
I feel my Expanser impress on me: Peter wants to Share. I open, and we begin.
It’s hard to imagine what communication was like before Expansers. We still talk normally, of course, but we usually Share with our Expansers if it won’t interrupt. In a few moments, Peter and I had in a basic way felt what the other was feeling, experienced the other’s morning, and arranged to meet for breakfast. I happened to notice Peter was looking forward to today’s special: strawberry pancakes. I wouldn’t have, but my mind was drawn more there after he feigned shock at my intent to have my regular buttered toast,
eggs, and salad. Peter knows I don’t like strawberries and this is one of his favorite inside jokes. A flash, and hours of experiences were exchanged and plans were made. To achieve the same result with regular speech would require minutes and would have been less accurate. The experiences weren’t told about, but could be experienced as deeply as if we had lived them. This quick exchange wasn’t that deep, but we got quite a bit. Over time, the translation between people’s Expansers gets more efficient, and he and I have a connection just about as fast as any can be.
I did a quick rinse and dry at the facilities and headed to the cafeteria. Peter is right. My beard doesn’t make enough of an impact on my life for me to stress about it this much. He noticed I felt a bit self-conscious in our quick Share this morning and made it clear I would enjoy a few more minutes with Val at breakfast than making minor adjustments to my facial hair. Val had been so impatient in line. She had gone to a ropes course and bungee jumping the day before and was eager to Share the experiences with us, but the depth of involvement she wanted was impossible while we were standing and waiting for food. She served Peter and I herself to speed things along when she could and ushered us to some available seats.
“Okay! Now each of you take a quick bite and then you gotta See it.”
“Fine, Val, hang on hang on.” I pretended to struggle to get a bite of salad together while she impatiently waited for me to accept the Share. I get my bite started an enjoy the flavors and while chewing, look over to Val. I see her eyes narrowed looking at me. I raise a hand placatingly while I quickly swallow, sheepishly mutter “sorry, sorry” and accept.
I feel the wind whipping around my clothes. I feel the wood beneath my clutching fingers, the force on the bottom of my feet, the strain in my arms and legs as I ascend. I can feel my helmet and the harness around my waist, and I can feel my long hair in this wind acting like a sail. Grateful to be at the top where I can use my hands, I untangle my hair from the helmet and ropes and quickly tie it into a messy bun. I look around and feel a thrill of excitement and joy. Much better. I have never been up this high, and it feels incredible. I can see across the tops of trees for miles around. I thank the worker next to me for checking my rig and – almost before they stop talking – leap across empty air and just barely manage to lock my fingers and feet into the ropes across the gap. I feel myself clutch hard after getting a firm hold, then I continue to climb up and take a second to focus. I jump the next gap and I feel much more secure. This part is fun, but I’m determined to get to the final platform without missing a hold and I almost blew it on the first jump. I make the last 2 jumps and I can feel my heart pounding after I climb onto it. I’m almost shaking while they do final safety checks and I feel an internal jolt when they give me the go ahead: “jump when you’re ready.” I stand there looking outward above the canopy at the mass of green treetops below the deep blue sky. It looks like it might be raining somewhere to the left, but there isn’t a single cloud above me. I look down and take a step back. I want to back out. I feel a flush of embarrassment and then I feel my resolve return and, before I can second-guess myself again, I slowly tip forward with my arms outstretched and watch the world begin to blur around me. I look up and see the water rushing towards me and feel the wind hit my face and feel fear building. I start to try and inhale, but then I feel the harness begin to catch and feel relief and I get very heavy and I start to slow down very quickly, and then I’m lighter and lighter and weightless and I start giggling and feeling a rush of excitement and joy. After bouncing and feeling giddy for a couple minutes, the workers begin to bring me back down to the ground and the Share ends.
I forgot we were at breakfast for a few moments as I finished re-living her memory. It hadn’t been too long in the real world, but my body was a little flush and my heart was pounding a bit harder due to the experience. That was the longest Share Val had invited me to, and I was amazed and grateful for the depth of emotion she had included.
“Val, that was incredible!” I look at Peter and I realize I am a few seconds behind him in appreciating the experience.
“Peter thought so, too. He’s running it back again.”
“I’m about to do that, too. How far away is this course?” “Not far at all, less than an hour, and all tubes.”
“I’ll have to make a trip out there soon” I said thoughtfully as I took another bite of salad. I remember a sensation of almost falling from Val’s memory. I remember hiking with my mom and have a brief sensation of worry, but Val is talking. I make a mental note to call my mom later and continue listening to Val. She wants to be BASE jumping by this time next year.
We finish up breakfast and head to the tube central for our workdays. I wish Peter and Val a good day and grab a tube to the vegetation checkpoint. I’ve been doing vegetation maintenance and regeneration. My dad told me to contribute in a way you care about. I like the outdoors and tend to spend a lot of my time enjoying them, so getting my reimbursement for contributing to that made the most sense to me.
As I grab my company equipment and meet up with grid F8, I calculate how long I’ll be climbing trees before I can get a management recommendation. The countdown started a couple weeks ago, and I haven’t been able to stop doing it since. I figure at this pace I’ll have enough hours in 54 days. I can ask for an accelerated schedule and drop that timing, but I like this pacing. Lunch was good. I enjoy this work. It keeps my mind occupied well and I’m on the higher end of quality output. I’m sure I’ll get a recommendation for management if I ask once I hit my experience requirement. I know I’ll ask. A lot of people opt to stay at the production level. The hours are longer and the work is harder, but the reimbursement is better. My time is more valuable to me than what I’d be able to do with a higher reimbursement. There are too many places to see, and when 11 days is all I get and a couple of those are for travel…well, 9 days just isn’t enough time to visit no matter where it is you want to go. I think again of my mom. I really should call her and see where she wants to go next. Until I’m management level, I’ll only ever have 9 days in a row…
I feel myself go rigid. My heart starts racing. What happened? I’m…scared? Terrified. Something about a fall and my mom. I need to call my mom. I feel my chest tighten and I try to remember when I last spoke to her A tool clangs and I half-jump and I feel an internal nudge and I remember where I am. I had become distracted and nearly lost my footing. I look down and take a breath. My Expanser noticed…something…had begun to upset me and that I was distracted and, for my safety, began to calm me down and brought my focus to the task at hand. Relief flooded through me followed by gratitude to my Expanser for keeping me on track.
On the tube back to return my equipment, I perform my final inspection. I need to turn in my saw and…no, no, no…looks like everything else is good. Got a lot of use out of that blade before it needed to be sharpened. I drop off the saw with the correct tag and drop the rest of my gear back into my locker. I put on my shoes and grab the tube to meet Peter at the Water Rec Center. We occasionally put in extra contribution time to help out there, and because of that we have near-unrestricted free usage. This is very nice during the hot season, though it doesn’t take too much longer to get to a couple rivers or lakes.
“Hey Peter” I say, waving.
He looks up from his shoes and smiles “Hey yourself. You gonna land it today?”
I groan and look away. “Man, I wasn’t even thinking about it, I was just gonna take turns swimming around and reading until I got hungry.”
Peter shrugs “Yeah, you know that’s always a valid option. I just thought maybe it had been bugging you, ya know. Putting all that effort in and just coming up SO short..” he let his voice trail off.
I groan again.
He laughs and throws his shoes towards me while walking to the water’s edge. “You know I’m kidding, you basically had it.”
“I know I know, let’s just chill for awhile. I might warm up to the diving boards in a bit. Besides, I actually do want to make some progress on this book, I’ve had it for a week already and haven’t read past the first page.”
“Whatever you say”
I look around. I love seeing the dense vegetation around the outskirts of the Water Rec Center. Dark green into which you can barely see 15 feet. I look up. It’s a beautiful deep blue sky. I’m reminded of Val’s Share this morning and remind myself to look into bungee jumping myself. I look around. It seems like people are eating before coming out here. It’s usually a bit crowded at this time, but we practically had the place to ourselves.
“Hope you’re not trying to stay dry” I cackle maliciously to Peter as I run past and
jump high into the air. I see him begin to shield himself with his hands as I crash into the water as a very tight cannonball.
I break the surface again laughing and my eyes gain focus just in time to see him falling right next to me and feel a wave of water hit my face.
He breaches the surface and grins when he saw me sputtering. “You shouldn’t have been laughing with your mouth so wide. Gloating is dangerous around here”
I splash him and agree I got my just desserts. We swim around talking and Sharing whenever something needs deeper context. Apparently, Peter is already up for management if he wants it. I’m shocked, I had no idea. He never really wanted it, so he never brings it up, but I shouldn’t be surprised. He puts in more time at his primary contribution than anybody else I know. After a quick Share, I get it. It’s not long until I catch Val walking up. She waves and smiles as I swim over and get out to greet her. We hug and Val addresses Peter and I.
“You busy this weekend? We were thinking about going to the beach for a couple days. Can you swing that?”
I crack a little smile and glance over at Peter. He and I exchange a look. We know who the “we” is in her statement, and I see Peter’s ears go red and he quickly looks away. I give a little smile to Val “I think we can probably make that work. I would love to go. Come on Pete, you’ll come with, right?”
“Peter looks back and nods “Yeah, absolutely. Sounds like a blast.”
Val tosses her head back a bit a laughs, “Sly, guys. Yes, Peter, Carley is gonna be there. Honestly, you two. Would one of you just ask the other out already? We all-”
“Come on Val, we can bear it a little longer if they aren’t quite ready, no matter how obvious it is to the rest of us.”
I glance over at Peter and see his bright red face and sheepish smile and I instantly feel a pang of regret.
Val beats me to it. “Alright Pete, we’re sorry. All done teasing. Just definitely come this weekend?”
“It’s no worry. And of course I’ll be there. I could use a bit of a break from these
long hours recently.” Val clapped and cheered before jumping into the water.
After she surfaced and wiped the water from her face, she looks up at me expectantly: “So, are you gonna land it today?”
I look at her in dismay and hear Peter erupt into laughter. Val looks at him and back at me. “Is it something I said?”
“No no, just Peter asked me the exact same question when I got here.”
“So? Are you”
I look over at the diving boards and shrug. “Yeah, I guess I’ll give it a shot”
Peter laughs “Oh I get it, all of a sudden you’re not worried about starting your book anymore, huh?”
I shoot him an exasperated look. “I mean if there are two requests, who am I to deny the people what they want?”
Peter and Val both groan and splash me violently from the water.
“Hey hey watch out you’re gonna get all our shit wet!”
They stop and get out of the water. “Alright, time to try it out” Peter says to me.
After a few practice dives warming up, I’m feeling pretty good. This is some of the most fun I know how to have, and I’ve probably tried this combination a couple dozen times without getting it quite right, and faceplanting painfully a couple of those times. As I approach the end of the diving board I begin to breathe and focus. I think about the sequence. First an aerial, then a back tuck, then finishing with a back- full. I take a small step and a deliberate, slow first bounce, it feels solid. I increase the power on the second bounce, everything still feels comfortable and fits. Instead of bringing my arms down to my sides, they stay up and bend at the elbows, bringing my hands behind my head. I can hear Val and Peter whooping from the side as I land. The rest happens in a blur. I feel my arms and legs extend and I take-off from the diving board, and then come the motions. A bit of a twist and the aerial is done, a big extension followed immediately by a desperate tuck in tight and I feel myself pulling my knees beside my head, and then a partial extension with my elbow across my body and then I just straighten – I splashed into the water at what seemed to be the exact moment I was expecting. I cheer while I’m still underwater and when I hit the surface I’m grinning ear to ear. Peter and Val are clapping and I look around. Still not that busy. Great. I’d be embarrassed if they made this kind of a fuss if it was as crowded as normal.
“Stop guys, come on” I said, still smiling but feeling a little awkward.
“Hey, no, You come on!” Peter quips back. “You’ve been working on that for awhile now and that looked great. How’s your face?”
I laugh and finish climbing out of the water and wipe some water off me. “Face feels fine. It felt pretty good.”
Peter grinned “See? I told you that looked great. And a pain-free face. Do it again or we’ll call it a fluke.”
Val nods and laughs “He’s right. You can’t brag about it this weekend unless you do it more than once.”
I feel myself go red from embarrassment despite knowing they’re just teasing without malice. “Fine fine, whatever you say. I got this.” I head up again. They didn’t shame me or pressure me and they know well I’m not going to brag about this. The attitude, however, is standard. They’re just encouraging practice.
We stuck around diving for another hour, during which time I successfully landed a few times. But there was one attempt where I wound-up face up landing on the water flat on my back. Val and Peter had a good laugh about that.
Val looked at me and said “bookmarked.” I groaned. Peter chimed in “hey that’s a good idea. Gotta do that before I forget”
Great. Not that the memory wasn’t already saved in their storage. With the added tag they just gave the
memory, however, they would have quick access to it and it would remain that way unless they changed it. “Well as long as you remember some of the successes when you watch that one over” I say with a grimace.
“No promises” Val replied with a smile.
I look around again. The place has filled a bit. Seems like most people went to the cafeteria first. It looks like some people hiked in. I should ask my mom about hiking here after my shift one day. We used to do that a lot, but it’s been awhile. I suddenly gasp. I remember my mom and I on a hike. My heart starts to pound and I take a short breathe. My mind starts to race as my memory flashes.
I hear a loud slap of water as somebody lands in the water. I feel an internal nudge, and remember I was going to read my book today and I already delayed it to dive. My Expanser rescuing me from daydreaming when what I want to do is read my book. Relief flooded through me, followed by gratitude to my Expanser for keeping me on track.
“Alright alright. Time for my book. I don’t care what you guys are doing, but I’m gonna read and swim for a bit longer before I head to the cafeteria.”
“That sounds like a plan to me. I might just nap, but wake me up as you’re going if I do.”
Peter yawned and nudged Val as we walked. “Hey, don’t make a nap sound so good. If I nap now it’ll totally throw me off trying to sleep tonight.” Val stretched as we walked to where we left our stuff.
“Oh come on. Just mentioning a nap isn’t making it ‘sound so good.’ That’s on you if you can’t keep your eyes open.”
I smiled to myself hearing their banter and picked up my book and plopped down on a chair. I had mostly dried on the walk over and it only took a quick wipe on a towel to get my hands dry enough to handle the book. That’s right, this book was all about keeping your mind focused on the positive. I don’t remember when I found an interest in this, but I set a goal to read it and my Expanser has been helping to nudge me to start it.
We found Val before the cafeteria line. We were going to go out to eat, but after we agreed to the beach weekend we decided to save our speciality rations for the weekend with everybody. None of us were on a bonus stipend so going out to specialty restaurants with exceptional chefs is a special treat we are a little selective with. Now that I thought about it, I asked Peter “Are you on a bonus dining ration?”
Peter looked away and started to speak. “Oh, I’m sorry Peter, I didn’t even think before I asked I just realized how much you’ve been working and I wouldn’t be surprised if you had one.”
Peter agreed. “I do, actually. I’ve had one for the past few months.”
“Shoot, you don’t mind slumming it with us at the cafeteria, do you?”
Peter laughed. “No no, I’ve never had an issue with the cafeteria. I honestly don’t use my bonus privileges that often. It’s cool though. I’ve been able to go to the city to Claudette’s whenever I’ve wanted. I went there for dinner for a week straight at the beginning. You know I love their salsa.
“Didn’t Carley used to work at Claudette’s?” Val asked me.
I laughed hard at that and saw Peter half smile shyly. “I know what you’re thinking, Val, but I can assure you that week he’s talking about happened way after Carley had moved on. He genuinely loves their salsa.”
“Whatever you say”
“Well, I will be enjoying the special tonight. Plus probably some roasted veggies. I really like when this chef does her pot roast, I’m actually glad we’re not going out.” I could feel my mouth starting to water as I thought of the pot roast waiting for me at the cafeteria. “And I’ll have a baked potato and some roasted veggies on the side and try not to put too much gravy on everything.”
“Mmm” went Val. “She does do a good pot roast. I’ll probably go off-menu for my sides. I’m just a sucker for the cafeteria rolls. Those with that pot roast gravy…” She paused in thought. “I’ll eat less than 4” she said. “5” She amended quickly.
Peter was thinking to himself. “I’ll try the pot roast. I don’t think I’ve had it since this chef has been working the dinner shift.”
I enter my quarters’, kick off my shoes, and lay down on the couch. I’m planning on tidying up a bit before I go to sleep. I stayed at the cafeteria with Val and Peter longer than I meant to. It started with ironing out some of the details for the beach trip, but ended up with a couple bottles of sake and a bunch of dice and Peter yelling that I was cheating while Val and I couldn’t stop laughing. The last time I played that game was with my family, my mom ended up winning. I should call her I wonder how she’s doing.
I had an internal flash. Was I asking her how she was doing? Something vague was on the edge of recollection. In this moment of quiet I remembered I could ask my Expanser to help with recall.
I requested it to help me remember.
Then I had a flood of memory. Without the Expanser inhibiting it, I had no problem recalling. Her collapse on our hike. The ragdoll fall down the cliffside. I got to the bottom a couple minutes later out of breath; blood was everywhere. She was laying on her back and didn’t look to be in a bad position. I knew I couldn’t move her safely by myself. I grabbed her hand. I remember asking her if she was okay and to please talk to me and squeeze my hand and telling her I was by her side and that help was coming. My Expanser had urged me to send an alert to emergency services before she had even stopped falling. I remember her ragged breathing. I could hear her try to speak, but for some reason she couldn’t. All I could do was wait and talk to her and hope that I didn’t hear her breathing stop.
I don’t know how long it was, probably not very, but the paramedics were there. I couldn’t tell them what happened, the words weren’t coming out right, and they weren’t listening.
Oh, they’re helping mom. Okay. I’ll sit down. I remember sitting on the ambulance, the lights and the paramedics. Was I yelling? They took her to the hospital, right? I felt an inner nudge. I ignored it. My head was spinning and I was drenched in sweat. I had to call the hospital. I had to get in touch with her. I felt my pulse pounding in my head, it seemed to be going faster and faster, I could barely breathe. Why hadn’t the hospital called me? I had to find out what happened to her. It hadn’t been a couple weeks since I spoke to her, I think it’s been
months.
I finally noticed the nudging and sedation that had been building. Typical behavior for an Expanser when it’s host’s vitals seem to spin out of control. I staggered back to the couch and sat, feeling the accumulated sedative influence having it’s effect. But, wait. I had to call the hospital for something. My mom was going to meet me there because..What was I doing? I jerked upright on the couch. Weird, my Expanser says I was having a panic attack
and my Expanser stepped in to prevent lasting damage, but it’s rousing me to get to bed and sleep.
Lasting damage? What happened?
My Expanser soothed me, it’s preparing me to go to sleep so I can think about it tomorrow. It doesn’t makes sense to lose sleep and be worse off tomorrow. I got to my feet, intending to go to my desk and try and remember what had worried me. Was it work? I felt another nudge and wave of sedation, I guess it isn’t important right now. I really am exhausted, I should just lay down for the night. Relief flooded through me, followed by gratitude to my Expanser for keeping me on track.
Wait. There’s a quick jolt of wakefulness. There was something important I had to do. I realize I’m laying in bed. I feel a cool breeze on my face and hear the soft crackling of fire and crickets. No. I don’t have to get up or do anything now. Things are pretty good. I feel pretty good, and so tired. Whatever it is can surely wait until morning. I’ll remember then.
The first thing I notice is the comfortable weight. Then the warmth and light on my eyelids. I feel good. Refreshed. When waking up feels like this, I know today is going to be a good day.
It was strange, but for a moment I thought about calling my mom. It’s been a couple weeks since we’ve caught up, but I felt the familiar nudge on my attention. Of course, my Expanser is more focused on my goals than I am.
Relief flooded through me, followed by gratitude to my Expanser for keeping me on track
Rich Mind 